One of my new students (just recently transferred from inner city LA) in my Biology class has only been with me for approximately two weeks (two weeks late into the new trimester). Having transferred from inner city LA, and associated with some not so upstanding citizens in that region, my student has a bit of a reputation. Looking for a clean start, he has began his education at Woodlake Highs School.
Since he has entered my class he has done nothing but improve daily. He works hard, turns in his homework, participates in class, completes assignments with accuracy and in a timely fashion; essentially, he should be an inspiration to my other students. Today, as I was sitting in my office afters school this student infiltrated my mind.
Knowing his family speaks Spanish I wrote a quick memo in English praising their son and his efforts in my class over the last few weeks. After I wrote the note I utilized an online translation database and had my English version translated into a Spanish version. After having one of our office receptionists give my note a once over to make sure all grammar was correct, I plopped that note into the outgoing mail. It was just as exciting as putting a letter to Santa in the mailbox bound for the North Pole. I was delirious with excitement at the anticipation of his parents receiving such positive news.
I am so excited for my student's parents. All to often parents receive negative information about their student from the school they are attending; I wanted their next correspondence to be a good one! I hope today's "give" lands itself right, smack dab, on the refrigerator!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Give 12/8/09
Some of you might be surprised to find out that I am not perfect. I know, I know, big shocker.....pause to let you all recover from your shock
I am a woman of many faults. Some of my largest are in regards to my precious husband. I am critical, easy to anger, demanding, unforgiving (I tend to hold grudges for ohhhh......ten years or so), and probably not the most respectful wife I wish to be. Oh wait, did I say probably, I mean definitely NOT the most respectful wife I can be!
The last couple days my give have been dedicated to my hubby. Giving of myself (wink, wink), giving of respect, giving of unconditional love, giving of patience (sometimes the hardest one). Tonight that patience and respect came into play.
We love to play! Sometimes that play becomes rough and people get hurt. What can I say, he is stronger than me so I feel the need to resort to a no-rules approach; if that includes biting, scratching and clawing, so be it! :)
On tonights rumble, while I was making dinner, the hubster came in to play around trying to get me into some sort of arm hold (UFC style). I responded by locking his head with my arm and giving him a few light (maybe a little harder than that actually) slams in the kidney area. This continued for a few minutes. One one such maneuver where my hubby was attempting to block my move with his knee, it plumeted directly into my nether-regions. Let's just say I am 100% sure I can not longer bear children. I seriously thought he cracked my pubic bone.
Immediately I was on the floor in tears. Of course being the ever so understanding lady I am, I embraced his comforting gestures and told him it was okay........UH NOT! Instead I sat on the kitchen floor crying, ignoring him all the while with him trying to comfort me.
I know what you are thinking.........where is the "give" in this situation?? Well......the normal me would have ignored him the rest of the night, acting in complete ignorance that it truly was an accident. My brain and heart know he did not do it on purpose, I know he feels like shit and I know the last thing on the face of this planet he wants is for me to be in any pain whatsoever.
Instead, I did the not-me thing, which felt fantastic afterward (despite the throbbing stabbing pain that sill hurts as I type this post). After crying for a minute or two (and I admit, ignoring him a little) I got up and walked away, when he followed, I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck givng him a hug. He uttered sympathetic words of apology yet again and I responded with "I know you're sorry baby, it just hurt so bad. I know you did not mean to hurt me...".
I have never been so willing to forgive so quickly. I loved it! I have truly been trying to be a more respectful wife to my hubby. I hope this is a positive step in the right direction. I know my "give" to my hubby may not have registered on many people's radar, but I know it registered on his.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Give 12/5/09
Last night I went out with my girlies for some serious dancing (well, as serious as a white girl can be anyway). There were some "interesting" people there (as expected when hanging out in a bar), but for the most part, there were some pretty normal homo Sapiens present. One lady who was particularly "needy" was dancing and loving up on anything with legs....yes, you read correctly, gender had no bearing on her prospects.
She was alone as far as I could tell and extremely drunk. During the course of the evening I kept noticing her leaving possessions around, easily taken by the wrong individual. At one point she dropped her cell phone which proceeded to be kicked across the dance floor by someone. Noticing this I got up to retrieve it. I returned her phone to the DJ as I was not going to "cut in" on whatever it was she thought she was doing with the gentlemen caller at her side.
I felt good about my "give" as in this day and age someone would have jumped at the thought of a lost cell phone. Just abandon the sim card for yours and wa-la! Later, after she noticed her phone missing, she frantically searched. The DJ returned her phone to her, pointed me out in the crowd and I was all but attacked by this woman who was very grateful at my act. Humbled as I am, I meekly said your welcome and continued on with my evening....however in her eyes, that simple act of doing the right thing, truly made her happy. For me doing the right thing comes easily, for her, she must not have that experience often. I am glad I was able to help!
She was alone as far as I could tell and extremely drunk. During the course of the evening I kept noticing her leaving possessions around, easily taken by the wrong individual. At one point she dropped her cell phone which proceeded to be kicked across the dance floor by someone. Noticing this I got up to retrieve it. I returned her phone to the DJ as I was not going to "cut in" on whatever it was she thought she was doing with the gentlemen caller at her side.
I felt good about my "give" as in this day and age someone would have jumped at the thought of a lost cell phone. Just abandon the sim card for yours and wa-la! Later, after she noticed her phone missing, she frantically searched. The DJ returned her phone to her, pointed me out in the crowd and I was all but attacked by this woman who was very grateful at my act. Humbled as I am, I meekly said your welcome and continued on with my evening....however in her eyes, that simple act of doing the right thing, truly made her happy. For me doing the right thing comes easily, for her, she must not have that experience often. I am glad I was able to help!
Inspired by Sarah!
Give: 12/4/09
As a teacher I find myself "giving" nearly everyday. Not because I "have" to, but because my students come from low socioeconomic status' and I think the smallest compliment is worth more to them than anything. Having said that, my give for Friday was as follows:
One of my freshmen Christian is in his 2nd go-around in my Biology A class. Still to immature for his own good, he is noticeably trying harder this trimester and I can see the elation in his eyes when he can answer a question in class with a raised hand (even though the content is a repeat for him, I am still very proud). Friday we had a chapter test; he bombed it. Instead of just giving up on him, I "gave" to him. I found him at lunch, told him his score and let him come in to "fix" the questions he got wrong (essentially giving him a second chance). He was very grateful. I re-graded his test on the spot and felt so good at giving him a 78% instead of the 40% he received originally. He was so grateful and left with a big smile on his face due to his accomplishment!
Give # 1-check! ;)
As a teacher I find myself "giving" nearly everyday. Not because I "have" to, but because my students come from low socioeconomic status' and I think the smallest compliment is worth more to them than anything. Having said that, my give for Friday was as follows:
One of my freshmen Christian is in his 2nd go-around in my Biology A class. Still to immature for his own good, he is noticeably trying harder this trimester and I can see the elation in his eyes when he can answer a question in class with a raised hand (even though the content is a repeat for him, I am still very proud). Friday we had a chapter test; he bombed it. Instead of just giving up on him, I "gave" to him. I found him at lunch, told him his score and let him come in to "fix" the questions he got wrong (essentially giving him a second chance). He was very grateful. I re-graded his test on the spot and felt so good at giving him a 78% instead of the 40% he received originally. He was so grateful and left with a big smile on his face due to his accomplishment!
Give # 1-check! ;)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Borrowed from Sarah
20 years ago (November 1989)
Age? 7
Were you in school? Elementary school 2nd grade, Mrs. Bucannon's class.
Where did you work? Did not work at the age of 7, but I was pretty good at being the bossy older sister!
Where did you live? In a rented house in Visalia before my parents built their home in Exeter.
What were your regular haunts? Home and Jill's house
Did you wear glasses? Nope.
Who was your best friend? Jillian Spiedel
How many tattoos did you have? Helllllllloooooooo, seven years old remember!!
How many piercings did you have? Just one in each ear, my mom had them pierced when I was 6 months old!!
What did you drive? My Schwinn banana seat with big daisy flowers on the seat bike...that was pink might I add!!
What was your biggest goal? To play and not get into trouble!
Ten years ago (November 1999)
Age? 17
Were you in school? Yes, High School in good ol' E town!
Where did you work? Hmmmmm.......pretty sure I was working for Lifetime Nutrition.
Where did you live? Exeter where my mommy and daddy built their home in the country.
What were your regular haunts? Cacy's house, Christie's house, Saturday night bowling!
Did you wear glasses? No.
Who was your best friend? Cacy and Christie
How many tattoos did you have? At that time in my life I thought tattoos were absolutely ridiculous and swore I would never have one! (can you say foreshadow?)
How many piercings did you have? 7. 2 holes in each ear, plus two in the cartilage in my left ear and one in the cartilage of my right ear.
What did you drive? I don't even want to talk about it. Ha! It was a 1990 yellow, yes yellow but let me clarify; it was a Pee Pee yellow Mitsubishi Mighty Max truck with vinyl seats, no air conditioning, and a manual transmission! I bet you are thinking super hot right!! :)
What was your biggest goal? To graduate high school and get a 4.0 on my senior exit portfolio and interview (yes I know, NERD)!
Five Years Ago (November 2004)
Age? 22
Were you in school? Yes, newly married and working toward a BS degree in Criminology.
Where did you work? I was a bank teller for Wells Fargo...WORST JOB EVER!!!
Who were your best friends? Cacy and Narissa
How many tattoos did you have? Still thought they were dumb!
How many piercings did you have? Same as before minus one of the cartilage piercings.
What did you drive? A 1991 white Toyota Corolla, LOVED this little car! :)
One Year Ago (November 2008)
Were you in school? Yes, I was working toward my teaching credential at Chapman University
Where did you work? In my current profession now as a HS Biology teacher.
Where did you live? In the house we have now...wow, I cannot believe we have a house for one and we have been here just over a year....WOW!!
What were your regular haunts? Home! :)
What was your favorite song? Too many to list.
Do you wear glasses: Nope
Who were your best friends? Cacy
What was your prized possession? My horse and my dogs.
What did you drive? My 2007 Ford Focus SE
What were you looking forward to? Thanksgiving to have a few days off!!
As of today (November 2009)
Age? 27
Are you in school? No
Where do you work? Same job, HS Biology teacher.
Where do you live? Same
What are your regular haunts? Home and work and my parents house (horses live there)
Do you wear glasses? No.
Who is your best friend? Cacy
Do you talk to your old friends? Some, just recently one more than most! ;)
How many tattoos do you have? 2. One on one foot and one on the other! I know, I know...but I only got them because they actually mean something to me, I put them in a place easily covered up and I LOOOVVEEE both...no regrets!
How many piercings do you have? One hole in each ear and I just recently as of a couple months ago got my naval pierced...random I know. Why? More secure in my body than I have ever been. Wanted to do something so not me (that was easily rectifiable if need be) and Cacy thought it would be sexy and he is the only one who will be seeing it anyway! ;)
What do you drive? Same 2007 Ford Focus SE that I soooo want to be rid of!!
Age? 7
Were you in school? Elementary school 2nd grade, Mrs. Bucannon's class.
Where did you work? Did not work at the age of 7, but I was pretty good at being the bossy older sister!
Where did you live? In a rented house in Visalia before my parents built their home in Exeter.
What were your regular haunts? Home and Jill's house
Did you wear glasses? Nope.
Who was your best friend? Jillian Spiedel
How many tattoos did you have? Helllllllloooooooo, seven years old remember!!
How many piercings did you have? Just one in each ear, my mom had them pierced when I was 6 months old!!
What did you drive? My Schwinn banana seat with big daisy flowers on the seat bike...that was pink might I add!!
What was your biggest goal? To play and not get into trouble!
Ten years ago (November 1999)
Age? 17
Were you in school? Yes, High School in good ol' E town!
Where did you work? Hmmmmm.......pretty sure I was working for Lifetime Nutrition.
Where did you live? Exeter where my mommy and daddy built their home in the country.
What were your regular haunts? Cacy's house, Christie's house, Saturday night bowling!
Did you wear glasses? No.
Who was your best friend? Cacy and Christie
How many tattoos did you have? At that time in my life I thought tattoos were absolutely ridiculous and swore I would never have one! (can you say foreshadow?)
How many piercings did you have? 7. 2 holes in each ear, plus two in the cartilage in my left ear and one in the cartilage of my right ear.
What did you drive? I don't even want to talk about it. Ha! It was a 1990 yellow, yes yellow but let me clarify; it was a Pee Pee yellow Mitsubishi Mighty Max truck with vinyl seats, no air conditioning, and a manual transmission! I bet you are thinking super hot right!! :)
What was your biggest goal? To graduate high school and get a 4.0 on my senior exit portfolio and interview (yes I know, NERD)!
Five Years Ago (November 2004)
Age? 22
Were you in school? Yes, newly married and working toward a BS degree in Criminology.
Where did you work? I was a bank teller for Wells Fargo...WORST JOB EVER!!!
Who were your best friends? Cacy and Narissa
How many tattoos did you have? Still thought they were dumb!
How many piercings did you have? Same as before minus one of the cartilage piercings.
What did you drive? A 1991 white Toyota Corolla, LOVED this little car! :)
One Year Ago (November 2008)
Were you in school? Yes, I was working toward my teaching credential at Chapman University
Where did you work? In my current profession now as a HS Biology teacher.
Where did you live? In the house we have now...wow, I cannot believe we have a house for one and we have been here just over a year....WOW!!
What were your regular haunts? Home! :)
What was your favorite song? Too many to list.
Do you wear glasses: Nope
Who were your best friends? Cacy
What was your prized possession? My horse and my dogs.
What did you drive? My 2007 Ford Focus SE
What were you looking forward to? Thanksgiving to have a few days off!!
As of today (November 2009)
Age? 27
Are you in school? No
Where do you work? Same job, HS Biology teacher.
Where do you live? Same
What are your regular haunts? Home and work and my parents house (horses live there)
Do you wear glasses? No.
Who is your best friend? Cacy
Do you talk to your old friends? Some, just recently one more than most! ;)
How many tattoos do you have? 2. One on one foot and one on the other! I know, I know...but I only got them because they actually mean something to me, I put them in a place easily covered up and I LOOOVVEEE both...no regrets!
How many piercings do you have? One hole in each ear and I just recently as of a couple months ago got my naval pierced...random I know. Why? More secure in my body than I have ever been. Wanted to do something so not me (that was easily rectifiable if need be) and Cacy thought it would be sexy and he is the only one who will be seeing it anyway! ;)
What do you drive? Same 2007 Ford Focus SE that I soooo want to be rid of!!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
My Give to My Friend
I began this blog at the end of October as a dedication to one of my oldest and dearest friends. While it has taken me several months to put myself into it and several changes of title: Title one: To follow or to lead, Title two: Envy or admiration?, Title three: Dedicated to Sarah, Title four: To Nala from Simba, and finally my chosen title: My give to my friend!
I wanted to preface my blog with this short interlude so that you may understand how long I have been working on it and that this blog was not just in response to December's give challenge but morphed itself into a give and was completed during the challenge period! The blog post is as follows:
I am a creature of habit. As much as I feel like I have changed in my adult life, sometimes I feel as though I am still that same, insecure little girl, still trying to find her way in the big bad world of high school. I have always considered myself a leader, but in reality, I am a follower.
I do not "follow" in the traditional sense where I let others make my decisions for me; instead I tend to be inspired and take my lead from those closest to me. As I only have one follower of my blog that I know of, this blog is dedicated to her. ;)
You came into my life in Jr. High. You were the strange outsider infiltrating our small country school. You were different. You were from the "city". You were (still are) incredibly smart and beautiful. Immediately, I wanted to know you. I felt this tug to know you. I felt a longing to be your friend.
Fast friends we became as you quickly realized our small country school was full of people who were not so nice and tried very hard to make the lives of others miserable. They were miserable to you, I was there to comfort. They were miserable to me, you were there to comfort. Inseparable we became.
The years flew but the education and life experience still influences me today. My first skinny dip, my first best friends necklace, my first Spanish lessons, my first parade (you rode Blue and I the float), my first bff's mom who I wanted as my own, the most awesome tree swing in existence, awesome sleep overs (especially on Friday so we could watch the TGIF shows on ABC), sliding down the stairs in a sleeping bag going mock 3 and crashing at the bottom, makeup and hair experimentation's (I will never forget your experiment with bangs....not a good choice with that cowlick you have). Though those experiences were fun filled, I also learned about things for which I will forever be grateful and things that are still apart of my life today.
God. Your influence, experience, and friendship guided me to a more intimate relationship with God. I attended True Love Waits after you introduced the concept to me. You were there when I got baptized. You were there when I decided to swear off Halloween one year because your convictions were so strong. My walk with Christ was inspired and fueled by your own experiences and hardships; you gave me the guidance only a friend could when the biblical mumbo jumbo got in the way.
Horses. Though my love for horses was established as soon as I left the womb (in my opinion) I had never had the resources nor the education to fulfill my life long dream much past drooling at any horse I passed along side the road. You and your family had horses; my fate was sealed. I will never forget Blue. The mild-mannered gray mare who was bomb proof in an arena, a parade, or down the road, and with any passenger you placed on her back. A great teacher for me, an inspiration and an envy; I will never forget her. Misty, the horse I would have to "work up" to, for she was a one owner kinda gal. Great partners with your mamma, she was hot, fast, responsive, and the inspiration for me as an adult to want to have a relationship with a horse like that. Oakey, who I still think is with us and your daddy right down the street from my parents. It sure looks like him. The young colt still learning to become a man. Your dad's buddy. Again, a relationship with an equine partner I wanted so desperately.
You. The rider I wanted to become. The confidence I wanted to learn. The experience I so desperately wanted to acquire. Because of your families influence with horses I fulfilled my dream. I got my first mare which I was able to keep at your house. The teen years and absence of our friendship took me away from horses for awhile but they are back in my life with a flame unsurpassed. Thank you for that. I have fulfilled my dream. I have established a partnership, I have challenged my experience, and I am teaching my own young boy to become a man. I am not sure all this would have happened if not for your influence.
Enter HS...ugggghhh! The ugly part!
Newly freed from our small country school we entered an entirely new kind of pond. We were small fishes in this new ecosystem (there is the biology teacher coming out in me). From day one I knew things would be different. I knew I was scared and I knew I needed my friend for support, for security. Was that right, no, but I knew no other way. Yet, I knew things were going to change. You were determined to leave the ugliness from SU behind you; I wanted to do the same. I felt this would be our chance to start over....little did I know we would not embark on this adventure together.
The final nail in the coffin came on one fateful day, I will never forget as long as I live, but feel that finally I have gotten over it, moved past it, and re-kindled a friendship I thought I would never have again. :) After weeks of being the "third wheel", in many ways my fault as back then I did not stand up for myself, was incredibly shy and introverted and very much a follower and not a leader, I was left once and for all.
You and our once arch enemy, T. Cannon and I (I will pause while you laugh and reflect on how stupid you said the choice was for becoming friends with her after we hated her for so long) were walking down the corridor (me in the background not engaging in the conversation as I should have been) when you spotted one of the senior hunk-a-munks with a cool orange pick up truck (name will be left out as I know you know who I am talking about ;) ) . You and T. Cannon proceeded to runnnn to him and ask him to take you to lunch that day (me all the while knowing his truck could only hold two passengers along with the driver). I waited, hoping I would be included in this lunch time activity.........sadly I was not! Instead you girls trotted off with senior hunk-a-munk, never looking back at me; I waited, nothing. That was the first of many days spent in the library during lunch doing "homework".
Yes I know, boo-hoo, this is not a woes-me speech. It is okay, you know why, because look at where we have come. I found friends that led me to the circle where I met and feel in love with my husband. You found friends that you met and led you to the circle's that led you to San Diego where your life began and you found your husband. The path may have been harsh, but the journey was worthy and the result heavenly. Faith that the Lord knew what he was doing should have been what I relied on, sadly, when life is harsh, faith can be hard to live on.
Enter the present (approximately 2007 ish).
My life was again changed the day I saw Sarah Oliveira as a profile on myspace. WOW, I thought! I wonder how she is doing. My second thought, does she still know me? Timidly I sought out her friendship through myspace and was enthralled with her comments and postings on life. I read about her heartbreaks, triumphs, and sacrifices. I knew that my long time friend was still there at her core, but seriously compromised. My heart ached for her to "Sarah" again.
2009
I have a new passion, blog reading. I have never had so much insight into a person's world before your blog spot. I have been caught up on the last 10 years (some of which was so painful I wanted to cry for you, my dear friend). I felt the need to protect you, something I think only true friends will always feel for the other person. I learned of your journeys and adventures, your mistakes and your victories. I have never been so proud to see the changes I have seen recently and to see my friend emerge from the ashes a brilliantly sophisticated and successful, blessed, beautiful woman.
After taking stock of this blog post I find myself apprehensive about pushing that "publish post" big orange button! Will this be perceived as negative, too much information, with admiration, obsessiveness........yikes, here comes the anxiety. I think I am just going to have to go with faith on this one. This post, two months in the making, is from my heart, the words I have always wanted you to know. Sarah Leanne you were my first "best friend" (I don't count kindergarten and primary school) and you taught me a lot. I am proud to know you and prouder that you are here in my present and there for me when I need you; somehow, despite the absence I secretly always knew you would be.
I will end with this, I have never forgotten who you were and are, and though you have had thoughts within the last few years questioning that very idea, I knew you would always find your way back.
Love ya girlie!
Here goes nothing!! (pause for a gulp as I move my mouse over to the publish post button)
I wanted to preface my blog with this short interlude so that you may understand how long I have been working on it and that this blog was not just in response to December's give challenge but morphed itself into a give and was completed during the challenge period! The blog post is as follows:
I am a creature of habit. As much as I feel like I have changed in my adult life, sometimes I feel as though I am still that same, insecure little girl, still trying to find her way in the big bad world of high school. I have always considered myself a leader, but in reality, I am a follower.
I do not "follow" in the traditional sense where I let others make my decisions for me; instead I tend to be inspired and take my lead from those closest to me. As I only have one follower of my blog that I know of, this blog is dedicated to her. ;)
You came into my life in Jr. High. You were the strange outsider infiltrating our small country school. You were different. You were from the "city". You were (still are) incredibly smart and beautiful. Immediately, I wanted to know you. I felt this tug to know you. I felt a longing to be your friend.
Fast friends we became as you quickly realized our small country school was full of people who were not so nice and tried very hard to make the lives of others miserable. They were miserable to you, I was there to comfort. They were miserable to me, you were there to comfort. Inseparable we became.
The years flew but the education and life experience still influences me today. My first skinny dip, my first best friends necklace, my first Spanish lessons, my first parade (you rode Blue and I the float), my first bff's mom who I wanted as my own, the most awesome tree swing in existence, awesome sleep overs (especially on Friday so we could watch the TGIF shows on ABC), sliding down the stairs in a sleeping bag going mock 3 and crashing at the bottom, makeup and hair experimentation's (I will never forget your experiment with bangs....not a good choice with that cowlick you have). Though those experiences were fun filled, I also learned about things for which I will forever be grateful and things that are still apart of my life today.
God. Your influence, experience, and friendship guided me to a more intimate relationship with God. I attended True Love Waits after you introduced the concept to me. You were there when I got baptized. You were there when I decided to swear off Halloween one year because your convictions were so strong. My walk with Christ was inspired and fueled by your own experiences and hardships; you gave me the guidance only a friend could when the biblical mumbo jumbo got in the way.
Horses. Though my love for horses was established as soon as I left the womb (in my opinion) I had never had the resources nor the education to fulfill my life long dream much past drooling at any horse I passed along side the road. You and your family had horses; my fate was sealed. I will never forget Blue. The mild-mannered gray mare who was bomb proof in an arena, a parade, or down the road, and with any passenger you placed on her back. A great teacher for me, an inspiration and an envy; I will never forget her. Misty, the horse I would have to "work up" to, for she was a one owner kinda gal. Great partners with your mamma, she was hot, fast, responsive, and the inspiration for me as an adult to want to have a relationship with a horse like that. Oakey, who I still think is with us and your daddy right down the street from my parents. It sure looks like him. The young colt still learning to become a man. Your dad's buddy. Again, a relationship with an equine partner I wanted so desperately.
You. The rider I wanted to become. The confidence I wanted to learn. The experience I so desperately wanted to acquire. Because of your families influence with horses I fulfilled my dream. I got my first mare which I was able to keep at your house. The teen years and absence of our friendship took me away from horses for awhile but they are back in my life with a flame unsurpassed. Thank you for that. I have fulfilled my dream. I have established a partnership, I have challenged my experience, and I am teaching my own young boy to become a man. I am not sure all this would have happened if not for your influence.
Enter HS...ugggghhh! The ugly part!
Newly freed from our small country school we entered an entirely new kind of pond. We were small fishes in this new ecosystem (there is the biology teacher coming out in me). From day one I knew things would be different. I knew I was scared and I knew I needed my friend for support, for security. Was that right, no, but I knew no other way. Yet, I knew things were going to change. You were determined to leave the ugliness from SU behind you; I wanted to do the same. I felt this would be our chance to start over....little did I know we would not embark on this adventure together.
The final nail in the coffin came on one fateful day, I will never forget as long as I live, but feel that finally I have gotten over it, moved past it, and re-kindled a friendship I thought I would never have again. :) After weeks of being the "third wheel", in many ways my fault as back then I did not stand up for myself, was incredibly shy and introverted and very much a follower and not a leader, I was left once and for all.
You and our once arch enemy, T. Cannon and I (I will pause while you laugh and reflect on how stupid you said the choice was for becoming friends with her after we hated her for so long) were walking down the corridor (me in the background not engaging in the conversation as I should have been) when you spotted one of the senior hunk-a-munks with a cool orange pick up truck (name will be left out as I know you know who I am talking about ;) ) . You and T. Cannon proceeded to runnnn to him and ask him to take you to lunch that day (me all the while knowing his truck could only hold two passengers along with the driver). I waited, hoping I would be included in this lunch time activity.........sadly I was not! Instead you girls trotted off with senior hunk-a-munk, never looking back at me; I waited, nothing. That was the first of many days spent in the library during lunch doing "homework".
Yes I know, boo-hoo, this is not a woes-me speech. It is okay, you know why, because look at where we have come. I found friends that led me to the circle where I met and feel in love with my husband. You found friends that you met and led you to the circle's that led you to San Diego where your life began and you found your husband. The path may have been harsh, but the journey was worthy and the result heavenly. Faith that the Lord knew what he was doing should have been what I relied on, sadly, when life is harsh, faith can be hard to live on.
Enter the present (approximately 2007 ish).
My life was again changed the day I saw Sarah Oliveira as a profile on myspace. WOW, I thought! I wonder how she is doing. My second thought, does she still know me? Timidly I sought out her friendship through myspace and was enthralled with her comments and postings on life. I read about her heartbreaks, triumphs, and sacrifices. I knew that my long time friend was still there at her core, but seriously compromised. My heart ached for her to "Sarah" again.
2009
I have a new passion, blog reading. I have never had so much insight into a person's world before your blog spot. I have been caught up on the last 10 years (some of which was so painful I wanted to cry for you, my dear friend). I felt the need to protect you, something I think only true friends will always feel for the other person. I learned of your journeys and adventures, your mistakes and your victories. I have never been so proud to see the changes I have seen recently and to see my friend emerge from the ashes a brilliantly sophisticated and successful, blessed, beautiful woman.
After taking stock of this blog post I find myself apprehensive about pushing that "publish post" big orange button! Will this be perceived as negative, too much information, with admiration, obsessiveness........yikes, here comes the anxiety. I think I am just going to have to go with faith on this one. This post, two months in the making, is from my heart, the words I have always wanted you to know. Sarah Leanne you were my first "best friend" (I don't count kindergarten and primary school) and you taught me a lot. I am proud to know you and prouder that you are here in my present and there for me when I need you; somehow, despite the absence I secretly always knew you would be.
I will end with this, I have never forgotten who you were and are, and though you have had thoughts within the last few years questioning that very idea, I knew you would always find your way back.
Love ya girlie!
Here goes nothing!! (pause for a gulp as I move my mouse over to the publish post button)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
As the world turns
The word that is constantly in my brain right now is life. Life. A word with four letters yet it feels like it carries the weight of the entire English language. My life has had rainbows and thunderstorms, hurricanes, and droughts; all the while leaving me contemplative yet longing for something more, something in the future.
Life as a teacher finds me in treacherous waters. I struggle to keep up, to make a difference, to learn, and keep my head above water. This coupled with making a home and living a life with my husband is most difficult. I have lived a life full of wonderment.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years in July 2010, married for 5 in October of this year. He has been my "only" experience in anything considered relational (let your mind wander, you will undoubtedly be correct). Though the ignorance of my youth portrayed this situation as ideal (given my religious background) I now find well into adulthood this lack of experience has made it very hard to adapt to a life where one partner has grown and continued to improve and change while the other has remained stagnant.
Uncharted territory is where my life has led me now. I have a husband who loves, respects and adores me. I on the other hand am lost for words. I feel new, reborn, changed. Trying to fit him in the mix has been most difficult.
How does one tackle life when life is tackling her!? As for now, the world continues to turn!
Life as a teacher finds me in treacherous waters. I struggle to keep up, to make a difference, to learn, and keep my head above water. This coupled with making a home and living a life with my husband is most difficult. I have lived a life full of wonderment.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years in July 2010, married for 5 in October of this year. He has been my "only" experience in anything considered relational (let your mind wander, you will undoubtedly be correct). Though the ignorance of my youth portrayed this situation as ideal (given my religious background) I now find well into adulthood this lack of experience has made it very hard to adapt to a life where one partner has grown and continued to improve and change while the other has remained stagnant.
Uncharted territory is where my life has led me now. I have a husband who loves, respects and adores me. I on the other hand am lost for words. I feel new, reborn, changed. Trying to fit him in the mix has been most difficult.
How does one tackle life when life is tackling her!? As for now, the world continues to turn!
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